Dear Poppy,
I think it bodes well that I like to remember and write about happy times here but it would be unfair not to mention that motherhood has its moments.
In this day and age, there is an absolute overload of information on anything related to babies. Thousands of books and a plethora of different philosophies, each one selling a view point diametrically opposite to the other. It can make anyone go crazy. Actually, to be perfectly honest, it did not faze me so much. I went entirely with what I felt comfortable with. As they would say in my profession, I did not do anything 'ego-dystonic'and I think that is the reason that you are such a happy baby.
When we are out and about, we get a lot of attention from strangers. The things they tend to say most often about you are that you are such a curious, observant, alert and happy baby.
I do believe that temperament to a large degree is hard-wired but I am not going to shy away from my belief that certain decisions I made about bringing you up, have contributed to your overall happy demeanour. For one, you were breasfed on demand all along. Also, I did not and to this day, have not 'trained' you to sleep through the night. Which means of course that until now I have woken up several times a night to either feed you or to have to sing/rock/pat you back to sleep. But it also means that you have been consistently responded to. Which in my world makes for a secure and happy baby.
To this I must add that the lack of sleep does not bother me so much. My doctor training has helped me a lot in this regard. Even after lots of interruptions, having you awake for hours at night, I am able to wake up reasonably fresh and carry on with the day as if nothing ever happened. And this trait of mine is probably why I felt able to do things the way I chose to. And I do believe that allowing you to decide when you are ready, has worked. You went from being bounced to sleep, to being rocked to sleep, to being walked to sleep, to having to be put on our outstretched leg and shaken, to sleeping by yourself in your crib over the months. It was almost like you decided when you were ready to progress to the next level and you just did it. Much to our surprise. All you needed was to know that if you felt unhappy, we were there to listen.
I strongly believe that babies should be fed on demand. But again, this may not work for mums who need routines for themselves, who cannot deal with a chaotic schedule. And of course if the mum is not going to be happy, there is not going to be a happy baby. I tried the whole routine thing but I don't think it was for us. I tried to follow TH for a couple of days but those were our most miserable days ever. I soon learned that I could not decide for you that each of your naps had to be one and a half hours long and if not, something was very wrong. Rubbish. These methods consider all babies to fall into one category! Babies have different perosnalities, temperaments, moods, energy levels and how can one formula fit all. The thought makes me angry.
The other concept that makes me go purple with rage and almost cry with sadness is 'controlled crying' before six months or actually until the age of one, or perhaps ever! Once again, controlled crying is for the sanity of the mother who is unable to deal with the needs of a baby, a mother who needs to go to work and cannot afford to be woken up at night. And of course if it is going to make the mum a wreck to respond to the baby everytime they need it, I guess they need to resort to other ways. It would be fair to say that it works for some but it was not for me. You have always been picked up and cuddled as soon as you became unhappy, be it night or day.
The one thing I do regret is not having introduced you to the bottle when you were little. By the time I did, you were set in your ways. You liked mummy very much and would have nothing to do with the bottle. For seven months, I could never be more than three hours away from you. I once went to the Tate and daddy had to come half way so that I could fill up your tank again. I also saw two movies ( my first two after you came along) alone as I had to go as soon as I fed you and then run back home in a cab. It was impossible to liaise with anyone else as I could not know in advance your feeding times.
Last week, at the age of nine months and one week, you had your first night where you slept right through the night. And then you did it again two days ago.I am so excited. My little baby is growing up. Some of your friends have been doing this since they were six weeks old!
Poppy, our other big battle is your eating. It has been 3 months now and you are not fond of your solids. You hardly eat anything and your one favourite thing in the world is pear. You can have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, having rejected the four other options that I have, ready for you. I am hoping, that like with the other things, you will decide one day that you are ready and then there will be no looking back.
Surprise me Poppy!
Love,
Mommy
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