The information overload

Dear Poppy,

I think it bodes well that I like to remember and write about happy times here but it would be unfair not to mention that motherhood has its moments.

In this day and age, there is an absolute overload of information on anything related to babies. Thousands of books and a plethora of different philosophies, each one selling a view point diametrically opposite to the other. It can make anyone go crazy. Actually, to be perfectly honest, it did not faze me so much. I went entirely with what I felt comfortable with. As they would say in my profession, I did not do anything 'ego-dystonic'and I think that is the reason that you are such a happy baby.

When we are out and about, we get a lot of attention from strangers. The things they tend to say most often about you are that you are such a curious, observant, alert and happy baby.

I do believe that temperament to a large degree is hard-wired  but I am not going to shy away from my belief that certain decisions I made about bringing you up, have contributed to your overall happy demeanour. For one, you were breasfed on demand all along. Also, I did not and to this day, have not 'trained' you to sleep through the night. Which means of course that until now I have woken up several times a night to either feed you or to have to sing/rock/pat you back to sleep. But it also means that you have been consistently responded to. Which in my world makes for a secure and happy baby.

To this I must add that the lack of sleep does not bother me so much. My doctor training has helped me a lot in this regard. Even after lots of interruptions, having you awake for hours at night, I am able to wake up reasonably fresh and carry on with the day as if nothing ever happened. And this trait of mine is probably why I felt able to do things the way I chose to. And I do believe that allowing you to decide when you are ready, has worked. You went from being bounced to sleep, to being rocked to sleep, to being walked to sleep, to having to be put on our outstretched leg and shaken, to sleeping by yourself in your crib over the months. It was almost like you decided when you were ready to progress to the next level and you just did it. Much to our surprise. All you needed was to know that if you felt unhappy, we were there to listen.

I strongly believe that babies should be fed on demand. But again, this may not work for mums who need routines for themselves, who cannot deal with a chaotic schedule. And of course if the mum is not going to be happy, there is not going to be a happy baby. I tried the whole routine thing but I don't think it was for us. I tried to follow TH for a couple of days but those were our most miserable days ever. I soon learned that I could not decide for you that each of your naps had to be one and a half hours long and if not, something was very wrong. Rubbish. These methods consider all babies to fall into one category! Babies have different perosnalities, temperaments, moods, energy levels and how can one formula fit all. The thought makes me angry.

The other concept that makes me go purple with rage and almost cry with sadness is 'controlled crying' before six months or actually until the age of one, or perhaps ever! Once again, controlled crying is for the sanity of the mother who is unable to deal with the needs of a baby, a mother who needs to go to work and cannot afford to be woken up at night. And of course if it is going to make the mum a wreck to respond to the baby everytime they need it, I guess they need to resort to other ways. It would be fair to say that it works for some but it was not for me. You have always been picked up and cuddled as soon as you became unhappy, be it night or day.

The one thing I do regret is not having introduced you to the bottle when you were little. By the time I did, you were set in your ways. You liked mummy very much and would have nothing to do with the bottle. For seven months, I could never be more than three hours away from you. I once went to the Tate and daddy had to come half way so that I could fill up your tank again. I also saw two movies ( my first two after you came along) alone as I had to go as soon as I fed you and then run back home in a cab. It was impossible to liaise with anyone else as I could not know in advance your feeding times.

Last week, at the age of nine months and one week, you had your first night where you slept right through the night. And then you did it again two days ago.I am so excited. My little baby is growing up. Some of your friends have been doing this since they were six weeks old!

Poppy, our other big battle is your eating. It has been 3 months now and you are not fond of your solids. You hardly eat anything and your one favourite thing in the world is pear. You can have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, having rejected the four other options that I have, ready for you. I am hoping, that like with the other things, you will decide one day that you are ready and then there will be no looking back.

Surprise me Poppy!

Love,

Mommy

Mummy make up your mind, is it a dromedary or a camel?

Dear Poppy,

You have a book called Dear Zoo which you absolutely love. Its a flap book and ever since you were about six months old, you have been opening all the flaps. Well actually not all, because the giraffe flap always stumped you.

So this has been the one book we read you every night at bed-time. You get super excited as we get the book out. You then watch eagerly as we open the book and you know that the first page has no flaps so you just sit back and save your energy. As soon as we turn to the next one, you leap forward and pull out the elephant flap and let out a little gleeful laugh. Of late, you are very kind and offer to close the flap too.

The next page is the giraffe which opens from the bottom which totally confused you for a while, but not anymore.

Then comes the lion. Not only do you open the flap, but you then go on to feel the teeth of the lion. Mummy has to be on high alert with super quick reflexes lest you leave him toothless.

Is it a dromedary or a camel,  is the big argument between mummy and daddy about the next animal. Poor little you being confused at this little age. Daddy insists on calling it a dromedary because it has just one hump. But going at the rate you are, soon it will be a camel without any humps as you cant wait to get your hands on that hump..By the way, this is the only animal which opens with 2 flaps and you know this because you use both your hands. I am very proud of this particular one :)

The next parcel is the snake which no longer has a head. Can I take this opportunity to clarify for posterity that mummy has better reflexes than daddy. Both the decapitated animals in the book, met their sad fate while daddy was reading the book to you. And this, considering he reads the book to you only about 5 % of the time.

The naughty monkey follows and I have a strong feeling he will be your next victim when it is daddy's book-reading turn next.

The jumpy frog has jumped out of the book and is now jumping along in some garbage van. I think you know that there is no point in opening that flap anymore, so you dont even bother.

And then, your favourite one, the puppy. You emit another little shriek perhaps because you know it is the perfect parcel and the last one..You like feeling the puppy's tongue.

Poppy, you are getting stronger, quicker and more violent by the day. Lets see how long the Dear Zoo book continues to house these lovely animals..

Love you my book loving, fearless little baby,

Mummy

I wonder .....

Dear Poppy,

I wonder :

what it is about wires that makes them so irresistible to you

why the tags on toys are far more interesting than the toys themselves

wearing a hat is so intolerable

how it is possible that you do not tire of trying your new skills over and over and over again. Today you have spent hours standing holding the bars of your crib and then sitting. And then pulling yourself up again and then sitting. Atleast fifty times at a go!

                                                                                                                                                                     
how it feels to have two teeth poking through your gums. It must hurt a lot (if you look carefully, there are two tiny teeth in that picture. click to zoom in)


why it is so horrible to have someone try to wipe your nose with a tissue. Does it feel like they are going to suffocate you?

why a toy in your hand is not remotely as interesting as the one on the floor, or more so, the one in another baby's hand?

if perhaps you dont like pink or polka dots!

why phones, ipads, laptops, landlines can keep you busy for hours but not your toys

how frustrating it must be to have a toy just out of reach. To make it worse, you then go on all fours, sway back and forth trying to decide whether the toy is worth the risk of trying something brand new, and all this while mummy just sits back and watches and does not help! Why! Why would she do that?

how it is that you can go from being super happy to super tired and sleepy in less than a minute

why while on the swing in the park, the most interesting place you focus on, is behind you. This means you spend the entire time on the swing sitting in a very uncomfortable position, twisted so you are facing 180 degrees behind. Turning you around doesnt help. You then want to look behind once again!

what makes buttons so interesting

what you are thinking as you stare at strangers on the bus, sometimes for a good half an hour

why of late, you always turn 90 degrees in the crib and fall asleep along the width. It means you are all scrunched up and have to rest your feet against the walls. Does it feel more cosy and snuggly that way?

what it is that fascinates you endlessly about the clothes in the washing machine going round and round. You almost fall out of your high chair, craning your neck to get a good view of the machine

 how a simple act like you holding my finger can evoke the strongest emotions

whether the same mobile that is comforting in the day, is scary at night?

why is that you instantly want to reach out and touch other babies' faces or hands. You reserve this affection only for the little ones.

 how it is possible to love you so so so so much that my heart could break into a million pieces every second of the day

Love you Poppy

Mommy