Dear Poppy,
Boy, are we glad to see the end of the last two weeks! It was like a marathon of trying and testing moments; it all happened together but I would like to say that you and I, we passed with flying colours.And in the middle of all the misery and heartache there were some genuinely special and happy moments that took me completely by surprise.
Two weeks ago, you came down with your first cold. It is hard enough dealing with a runny nose, but then to have people attack you with a tissue to wipe it every 2 miniutes, that made you go crazy. Then you came down with the worst hacking awful cough that kept you up at night. It was not nice Poppy and it made daddy's heart ache so much that he actually cancelled an over-night stay at Oxford for his conference to be with you.
At the same time as your cold, daddy also fell ill and had a BIG conference that he had to present a paper at. It also meant staying in Oxford for a couple of nights, leaving home early in the mornings, coming back late at night and being SUPER STRESSED.
One Sunday, a week ago, when mummy finally got a tiny little break, she left you with daddy at home, and thought she would treat herself to her favourite mocha frappucino without cream from Starbucks. She left the house, put on her boots and ran to catch her bus. And she fell! She tripped, lurched forward, broke the fall with her left hand and lay sprawled on the side walk for a good five minutes before she could muster up the strength to get up again.
Two scraped knees, torn stockings and a not so good feeling in her shoulder was what she hobbled back home with. Sigh.
The shoulder and arm got worse, pain killers did not work and the nights were a misery. It was difficult to carry you and to feed you. Frozen shoulder, dislocation, fracture were all words that were muttered by the Consultant and each of them inspired dread and absolute helplessness about the days ahead and how we would manage.
We got some extra help from lovely V and M's nanny I. You got on very well with all these new faces holding you and playing with you. Mummy even managed to leave you for the first time for a little bit, with a baby sitter and go to High Tea with her mommy friends (This had been organised months ago).
In the midst of this awful misery, things started looking up a bit. The pain got better, mummy could contemplate pushing the buggy again which meant she could go outdoors with you. The sun decided to shine upon us and we had some beautiful Spring weather. Uncle N came by and took us to Regents Park on the Sunday when dad was away. We had a beautiful morning and you and he got on famously.
On another walk around the area the following day, we bumped into no less than three people from our NCT group. It was warm enough not to have to doll you up in your winter suit and sit you up on the park bench with your friend K. You loved watching the pigeons and got lots of attention from passer bys who stopped to say hello and were rewarded by your happy dance. It was the perfect day. But it was only about to get even better!
We came back home and mummy decided to once again try the bottle. This is a whole new post in itself, but in short, for the last seven months you have consistently and vehemently refused the bottle. It means mummy not having more than a three hour leash away from you. So once again, all set for another refusal, mummy offered you the bottle. You saw it, gave a big grin, stretched out both your arms, grabbed it and put it in your mouth. Most importantly you went suck suck gulp, suck suck suck gulp till you finished all of it. I cried, I cried and cried from the sheer relief and pure joy of the moment that I had been waiting for, very patiently for seven long months..
Poppy, you clearly are determined to go at your own pace and my role is really to follow your lead. I look forward to your next surprise.
Love you loads,
Mommy
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Saturday, 19 February 2011
Almost 6 months old!
Dear Poppy,
You will be 6 months old in just under 3 days. 6 months old! How did that happen? How did we allow that to happen? I shall try to log some of your mile-stones here:
In the Canary Islands, you were about 4 months old and you started holding toys in your hand and inspecting them from every angle with utmost fascination. You would then drop the toy and stare at your hand and your fingers twirling them around. Daddy wonders if you are going to become a diamond/jewel expert.
Much to your daddy's delight, you gave us a glimpse of your first full throttle, absolutely adorable little laugh. He was making chimp sounds and to me they sounded scary but clearly, not to you. On the contrary, you loved it. For days after that mummy was reminded over and over again that daddy is the one who finally succeeded in getting that absolute gem of a laugh out of you.
The link is on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
In Bali, at 4.5 months, you started experimenting with your vocal cords on a completely different level. Your first complex bisyllabic sound was Ynggggggaaa. After all, you are a true Norwegain baby. Not ma ma, da da, ba ba for you. You had to go for the compex Norwegian sounding words, hey? Aunt Y will be most pleased..
In India, at 5 months, you started to roll over. The first time you did it in one shot. You then spent the next 2 days, trying to recreate the success, to no avail. You were so annoyed. And even when you managed to roll over, your arm would be stuck underneath your body. Arrgghhh. We would have to come to your rescue before you went mad with frustration. Over the next few days, you mastered the skill. One quick movement and there you were on your tummy. But then came the problem. You do not like being on your tummy. And you had not yet learned how to roll back. Oh dear! So basically, you went through all that trouble over and over, only to land in a position that you most dislike.. Hmmmm. It meant that every 2 minutes, we had to rescue you. And this happened many many many times a day. Not very clever sometimes, are we?
Back in London at 5.5 months, the health visitor told us that you were ready for solids. Mummy thought it would be at 6 months and hence had not done all the reading and all the preparation it takes to start a baby on pureed banana/pear/apple or ready made rice cereal. The all important books were still on their way from Amazon. Crisis! Thanks to mum's NCT friends, she got a crash course in what to do and what not to and lo and behold, you had your first rice porridge and could not have enough of it.
You were a natural. You did not like eating in your high chair though and preferred the swing. 2 days later, similar success with banana. However, just when mummy was getting very smug and boasting about what an easy baby you were, you decided to put a spanner in the works. On day 4 in the morning, you took in a few spoonfulls of rice porridge. Only after a little time did mummy realise that you were pooling it all under your tongue and it was almost like you did not know what to do with it.. For about 10 minutes, you sat there with your mouth open, and white gooey stuff oozing from your mouth but you would not swallow! Finally I had to use a spoon and scoop it all back from inside your mouth. Similar story with pear puree later the same day. The following day, back to being a natural. You want to keep me on my toes, I get it, Poppy.
And 1 week short of your 6 month birthday, you have started sitting up by yourself. You do look a little drunk and sway from side to side and need to be closely monitored, but there you are. Its a whole new world with endless possibilities.
Today you with 4 of your other friends have your first photoshoot at your favourite place, the babyspa! The photo will be used to advertise the spa. We are hoping that we can soon find you an agent and resign from our present jobs.
And to end the proud rantings of a smitten mum, in 2 weeks, you start your first real swimming lessons. No floating device at this one. And mummy gets to be in the pool with you.What fun. Cannot wait!
Lots of love
Mummy
You will be 6 months old in just under 3 days. 6 months old! How did that happen? How did we allow that to happen? I shall try to log some of your mile-stones here:
In the Canary Islands, you were about 4 months old and you started holding toys in your hand and inspecting them from every angle with utmost fascination. You would then drop the toy and stare at your hand and your fingers twirling them around. Daddy wonders if you are going to become a diamond/jewel expert.
Much to your daddy's delight, you gave us a glimpse of your first full throttle, absolutely adorable little laugh. He was making chimp sounds and to me they sounded scary but clearly, not to you. On the contrary, you loved it. For days after that mummy was reminded over and over again that daddy is the one who finally succeeded in getting that absolute gem of a laugh out of you.
The link is on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
In Bali, at 4.5 months, you started experimenting with your vocal cords on a completely different level. Your first complex bisyllabic sound was Ynggggggaaa. After all, you are a true Norwegain baby. Not ma ma, da da, ba ba for you. You had to go for the compex Norwegian sounding words, hey? Aunt Y will be most pleased..
In India, at 5 months, you started to roll over. The first time you did it in one shot. You then spent the next 2 days, trying to recreate the success, to no avail. You were so annoyed. And even when you managed to roll over, your arm would be stuck underneath your body. Arrgghhh. We would have to come to your rescue before you went mad with frustration. Over the next few days, you mastered the skill. One quick movement and there you were on your tummy. But then came the problem. You do not like being on your tummy. And you had not yet learned how to roll back. Oh dear! So basically, you went through all that trouble over and over, only to land in a position that you most dislike.. Hmmmm. It meant that every 2 minutes, we had to rescue you. And this happened many many many times a day. Not very clever sometimes, are we?
You were a natural. You did not like eating in your high chair though and preferred the swing. 2 days later, similar success with banana. However, just when mummy was getting very smug and boasting about what an easy baby you were, you decided to put a spanner in the works. On day 4 in the morning, you took in a few spoonfulls of rice porridge. Only after a little time did mummy realise that you were pooling it all under your tongue and it was almost like you did not know what to do with it.. For about 10 minutes, you sat there with your mouth open, and white gooey stuff oozing from your mouth but you would not swallow! Finally I had to use a spoon and scoop it all back from inside your mouth. Similar story with pear puree later the same day. The following day, back to being a natural. You want to keep me on my toes, I get it, Poppy.
Today you with 4 of your other friends have your first photoshoot at your favourite place, the babyspa! The photo will be used to advertise the spa. We are hoping that we can soon find you an agent and resign from our present jobs.
And to end the proud rantings of a smitten mum, in 2 weeks, you start your first real swimming lessons. No floating device at this one. And mummy gets to be in the pool with you.What fun. Cannot wait!
Lots of love
Mummy
Friday, 18 February 2011
Wake up mommy, it's 2.30 am!
Dear Poppy,
It has been 2 weeks since we returned from India but you are still on India time. In our first few days back, you would wake up at 1.30 am (7 am India time) bright as a button and ready to play. Now, 2 weeks later, things are slightly better, you wake up between 2.30 and 3 am! Bed time is 2.30 in the afternoon.. Perhaps you figured out that in gray, dreary and drab London, night is almost the same as day. What difference does it really make..its always gray outside the window.
Right now, it is just before 5 am and I am done with all my little jobs for the day, my emails, checking out my facebook page, making my endless lists and how would this be possible if not for your unique schedule.
People advise me: 'keep her up, dont let her sleep, take her out so the sunlight helps set her clock right'. Hmmm,well these people, with their best intentions, dont know my little Poppy and her not-so-little-fiery spirit. They dont know that when you want something, you want it now, in the next ten seconds or all hell breaks lose. They dont know that when you want to sleep, and give me your first signal of rubbing your eyes, I better drop everything else and get you to your crib in the next minute or else....
Do not get me wrong, Poppy, I am not complaining. I have come to admire and love your fiesty, embracing-the moment temperament. It also means, that when you are playful and happy, which you are most of the time, you are the most delightful little five and a half month old little-ball-of-cuteness on this planet. You giggle, chuckle, kick, roll around, try and jump, do this little dance you have recently learned and you make sure that mommy is around to witness all this cuteness on display. Dare I leave the room for a minute. Afterall you are not putting up that spectacular show not to have an audience. That would be audacious! The only place in the house where you are content to contemplate quietly for 15 minutes at the max, is the swing that nana bought you. It is then that mummy can have those precious moments to do all the household chores before you swing right out of your reverie .
We had planned to go to the States to meet your mausi, mausa and cousin R. No way in hell is that ever happening (Sorry P). India is only 5.5 hours ahead. San Francisco is 8 hours behind!! It would only take you 3 months to get that jet lag out of your system. For now, we are happy in London and Europe with a time difference of only 1 hour..:)
Lots of love my jet-lagged little girl
Mummy
It has been 2 weeks since we returned from India but you are still on India time. In our first few days back, you would wake up at 1.30 am (7 am India time) bright as a button and ready to play. Now, 2 weeks later, things are slightly better, you wake up between 2.30 and 3 am! Bed time is 2.30 in the afternoon.. Perhaps you figured out that in gray, dreary and drab London, night is almost the same as day. What difference does it really make..its always gray outside the window.
Right now, it is just before 5 am and I am done with all my little jobs for the day, my emails, checking out my facebook page, making my endless lists and how would this be possible if not for your unique schedule.
People advise me: 'keep her up, dont let her sleep, take her out so the sunlight helps set her clock right'. Hmmm,well these people, with their best intentions, dont know my little Poppy and her not-so-little-fiery spirit. They dont know that when you want something, you want it now, in the next ten seconds or all hell breaks lose. They dont know that when you want to sleep, and give me your first signal of rubbing your eyes, I better drop everything else and get you to your crib in the next minute or else....
We had planned to go to the States to meet your mausi, mausa and cousin R. No way in hell is that ever happening (Sorry P). India is only 5.5 hours ahead. San Francisco is 8 hours behind!! It would only take you 3 months to get that jet lag out of your system. For now, we are happy in London and Europe with a time difference of only 1 hour..:)
Lots of love my jet-lagged little girl
Mummy
Thursday, 20 January 2011
5 months, 5 flights and 3 countries old
Dear Poppy,
Am sorry about the long while it took to get this letter coming. Perhaps I could attribute it to your jet-setting adventure loving spirit.
What is remarkable is not that you have travelled to 3 countries in your short time here in the outside world, but that each of those journeys has been marred by nail biting, last minute uncertainty. You really do like living on the edge. You must take after your grand father who has a similar reputation, but that you would start so early is something else..
Without going into mundane details and playing the blame game I shall try to list your list of near-misses:
Also looking forward to more travels, more adventures, more near-misses. This is only the beginning. Cant wait Poppy!
Love,
Mommy
Am sorry about the long while it took to get this letter coming. Perhaps I could attribute it to your jet-setting adventure loving spirit.
What is remarkable is not that you have travelled to 3 countries in your short time here in the outside world, but that each of those journeys has been marred by nail biting, last minute uncertainty. You really do like living on the edge. You must take after your grand father who has a similar reputation, but that you would start so early is something else..
Without going into mundane details and playing the blame game I shall try to list your list of near-misses:
- Your first holiday was to the Canary Islands for Jul (Christmas) with bestemor and tante S. We almost did not make our departure day as your passport was delayed due to unforeseen circumstances at a certain embassy. The same embassy finally gave you the wrong visa for your visit to India which had its own plethora of consequences. Anyway on the last day, at the last moment, the passport did arrive and we set off to Gatwick Airport. Little did we know what we had in store for us..
- Just as we were boarding the plane, there was a massive snow storm at Gatwick. We didnt think we were going anywhere excpet home, but 3 hours later, we did set off to +25 degrees celsius. Heaven! Gatwick then shut down for a good day or more but little did we care while lying on the beach in the Canary Islands..
- Our holiday to Bali from India was almost cancelled as you, not being an Indian citizen have certain restrictions to how many times you can enter India in a given amount of time. After hours and days of trying to figure out the process, we head off to Bali taking the very real risk that you and your dad might not be allowed back into India. I was happy to forego dad but was ready to fight tooth and nail for you, at immigration.
- In Bali, we found a nice travel agent who arranged the relevant permission from the Indian embassy in Jakarta. Just when we thought we were through the worse, it happened that the passports he couriered back to our hotel did not arrive in time. We had to change our flights! Hmmm another day in tropical paradise, could it get any worse?!
- Another few hours on the phone it transpired that we could pick up the passports from the cargo terminal of the airport even though the DHL office was closed. Instead of going to a Legong Dance performance at Ubud palace, dad spent 3.5 hours in a taxi to the airport to get the passports. Fun!
Also looking forward to more travels, more adventures, more near-misses. This is only the beginning. Cant wait Poppy!
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, 2 December 2010
First and foremost
Dear Poppy,
No doubt in the little time that you have been around, you have had many 'firsts' but here are a few that stand out:
1. At the ripe age of 6 weeks, you got your very own library card. You are going to be a prolific reader, I just know it.
2. At the age of 13 weeks, you have already incurred your first library fine! A sombre little letter addressed to you came in the post. A grand sum of 20 pence for returning 8 books 2 weeks late. The library folks are not as strict to infants.
3. Your first snow. Very memorable day as mummy woke you up from a nap, dragged you out in the biting cold and snow to a swimming lesson. She did not do her homework and therefore went to the wrong place, made you wait outside in the freezing wind while she made phone calls trying to figure out where she really ought to be going. She finally arrived at the baby spa all hassled and bothered. You were not impressed. But the look on your face when you were dipped in the water makes me think mummy is forgiven.
4. By the age of 10 weeks you have already seen three movies in the cinema. Well lets say, mummy has seen three movies whilst you happily dozed all along (thank you): The Social Network, Going the distance and The kids are alright.
5. We have had innumerable visitors come by to see you right from when you were born. The person who makes it into the record books is uncle R who came to see you when you were 2 days old. He was our very first visitor.
TBC
No doubt in the little time that you have been around, you have had many 'firsts' but here are a few that stand out:
1. At the ripe age of 6 weeks, you got your very own library card. You are going to be a prolific reader, I just know it.
2. At the age of 13 weeks, you have already incurred your first library fine! A sombre little letter addressed to you came in the post. A grand sum of 20 pence for returning 8 books 2 weeks late. The library folks are not as strict to infants.
3. Your first snow. Very memorable day as mummy woke you up from a nap, dragged you out in the biting cold and snow to a swimming lesson. She did not do her homework and therefore went to the wrong place, made you wait outside in the freezing wind while she made phone calls trying to figure out where she really ought to be going. She finally arrived at the baby spa all hassled and bothered. You were not impressed. But the look on your face when you were dipped in the water makes me think mummy is forgiven.4. By the age of 10 weeks you have already seen three movies in the cinema. Well lets say, mummy has seen three movies whilst you happily dozed all along (thank you): The Social Network, Going the distance and The kids are alright.
5. We have had innumerable visitors come by to see you right from when you were born. The person who makes it into the record books is uncle R who came to see you when you were 2 days old. He was our very first visitor.
TBC
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Poppy bytes
Dear Poppy,
Here is a little list of some of your absolutely endearing little habits. Alas, old ones keep disappearing but more adorable new ones take their place. I really need to put them down lest I forget these priceless little gems.
Everytime you finish feeding, you raise your arm. Its your own way of communicating and telling me, 'mummy, its empty on this side. Can I have the other one please.' You do it unfailingly, every time.
Your absolute joy at waking up at 6 am every morning. The long and lazy stretches when you are unswaddled. You lift both hands, you elongate your torso, you extend both legs. You take a good amount of time before you finish this ritual.We would be delighted to have a few more hours in bed in the morning, but just watching your happiness at the start of the new day is infectious.
Your scepticism for all things new. As soon as you are confronted with a new situation, you close your eyes, go scarlet in the face and cry out loud for 10 seconds. Then you think, hey, I haven't even checked out this new place. Let me open my eyes and take a teeny weeny peak. Lo and behold, you see that its not so bad after all and you stop crying and usually actually enjoy yourself! Just like you mummy, daddy would say.
Your love for the changing table. Your biggest grins and loudest squeals are while your bum is being wiped. You love the freedom of being sans nappy. Even if you are feeling grumpy, you cannot help but smile big smiles while being changed. That's why mummy gives you loads of nappy free time everyday. Keeps the rash away and makes Poppy happy. Earlier, you would start crying when it was time to put the dreaded diaper on but now you are smarter and have made peace with the inevitable process. Recently, you have started striking a few weight lifting poses, you pretend you are getting ready to do some boxing. Why not also use this time to stretch.
Your blue Wardrobe: Thanks to your cousin brother R who is almost exactly a year older than you, you inherited a cupboard full of blue clothes. In fact almost all your pictures in the first 2 months have you in blue clothes. Mummy got lots of compliments for the beautiful little baby boy Poppy as she walked you in the pram and in the Bjorn. She ended up buying a tiny sprinkling of pink just to add some colour to your wardrobe.
Your thirty minutes-to-the-second, naps in your crib during the day. Exception: when outdoors in the sling, you can sleep for a good 2 hours and even more. As you proved during your first 2 movies at the parent baby cinema. You slept right through 'The Social Network' and 'Going the distance'. I can understand you not being impressed with Drew Barrymore but Mark Zuckerberg, he was very watchable.
Your intense, very alert, concentrated, curious, staring, frowning, I am learning, do-not-disturb-me look: It is the most unique and special thing about you. Every body notices it and is entranced by it. Passers-by on the street stop and comment on it. Daddy is thrilled. He loves your scientific temper and is confident that you are going to be an academic. Hmmmm.
Here is a little list of some of your absolutely endearing little habits. Alas, old ones keep disappearing but more adorable new ones take their place. I really need to put them down lest I forget these priceless little gems.
Everytime you finish feeding, you raise your arm. Its your own way of communicating and telling me, 'mummy, its empty on this side. Can I have the other one please.' You do it unfailingly, every time.
Your scepticism for all things new. As soon as you are confronted with a new situation, you close your eyes, go scarlet in the face and cry out loud for 10 seconds. Then you think, hey, I haven't even checked out this new place. Let me open my eyes and take a teeny weeny peak. Lo and behold, you see that its not so bad after all and you stop crying and usually actually enjoy yourself! Just like you mummy, daddy would say.
Your love for the changing table. Your biggest grins and loudest squeals are while your bum is being wiped. You love the freedom of being sans nappy. Even if you are feeling grumpy, you cannot help but smile big smiles while being changed. That's why mummy gives you loads of nappy free time everyday. Keeps the rash away and makes Poppy happy. Earlier, you would start crying when it was time to put the dreaded diaper on but now you are smarter and have made peace with the inevitable process. Recently, you have started striking a few weight lifting poses, you pretend you are getting ready to do some boxing. Why not also use this time to stretch.
Your thirty minutes-to-the-second, naps in your crib during the day. Exception: when outdoors in the sling, you can sleep for a good 2 hours and even more. As you proved during your first 2 movies at the parent baby cinema. You slept right through 'The Social Network' and 'Going the distance'. I can understand you not being impressed with Drew Barrymore but Mark Zuckerberg, he was very watchable.
Your intense, very alert, concentrated, curious, staring, frowning, I am learning, do-not-disturb-me look: It is the most unique and special thing about you. Every body notices it and is entranced by it. Passers-by on the street stop and comment on it. Daddy is thrilled. He loves your scientific temper and is confident that you are going to be an academic. Hmmmm.
Short term pain for long term gain
Dear Poppy,
In your short three months in this world, you have already had five nasty vaccinations. The first one was the day after you were born. At the time, you were so new and unaccustomed to the outside world that you probably thought the needle was part of the deal. You hardly flinched as the nurse inserted the big needle into your tiny arm.
At the tender age of two months you got two really big shots, one in each thigh. I had been warned that this vaccination was a particularly hard one for mums to deal with alone, and I had been advised to bring dad along. So dad took a whole day off work and we headed with trepidation to the local surgery. We met many other mums with babies there, all of whom had come for the same reason. We made small talk, discussed baby sleep patterns, colic and the cold weather. We tried to avoid talking or thinking about why we were there. As if to remind us, every ten minutes we would hear a loud wail from inside the nurse's room, increasing the fear and anxiety that we felt deep in our stomachs. The nauseous feeling in my tummy was worse than what I had felt before medical school exams, worse than I would feel before going in for vivas; it was discomfort at a completely new level.
We went in and you were smiling at the nurse. Little did you know what she had in store for you. I ended up holding you and having to restrain your arms and thighs as the needle went in. You screamed. It must have felt like you were being betrayed by people you trusted. As if this wasn't enough, I then had to turn you to offer your other thigh for the second vaccine. My eyes were full of tears, there was a dull thumping in my ears and I felt far away from everything. I remember not being able to register what was being asked of me. How could I put you through this pain again? Daddy had to intervene and turn you around so that you could get your second shot. You wailed.
Soon after you were asleep, as if you didn't want to have anything more to do with this cruel world. We came home and held you for most of the rest of the day. At one point you woke up with a completely new kind of cry, one we hadn't heard before. It was a soft moaning 'I am in pain' cry. Daddy and I looked at each other, helpless and not knowing what we could do except hold you close.
It was only in the evening, after your bath, that you decided that all was well and you were back to your usual happy and chirpy self.
A month later, it was that awful time again. This time though, it was just the two of us. I was braver and a little more stoic. The same mums in the waiting room, the same feeling of dread, even the same nurse doing the honours. However, this time you were your happy old self within a few hours of the ordeal.
I can't bear to see you in pain. If you were a few years older, I could try to explain that vaccinations are good for you in the long run even if they are unpleasant. But at three months old, pain to you is just pain. And when you're in pain, Poppy, so am I.
Love, mommy.
In your short three months in this world, you have already had five nasty vaccinations. The first one was the day after you were born. At the time, you were so new and unaccustomed to the outside world that you probably thought the needle was part of the deal. You hardly flinched as the nurse inserted the big needle into your tiny arm.
At the tender age of two months you got two really big shots, one in each thigh. I had been warned that this vaccination was a particularly hard one for mums to deal with alone, and I had been advised to bring dad along. So dad took a whole day off work and we headed with trepidation to the local surgery. We met many other mums with babies there, all of whom had come for the same reason. We made small talk, discussed baby sleep patterns, colic and the cold weather. We tried to avoid talking or thinking about why we were there. As if to remind us, every ten minutes we would hear a loud wail from inside the nurse's room, increasing the fear and anxiety that we felt deep in our stomachs. The nauseous feeling in my tummy was worse than what I had felt before medical school exams, worse than I would feel before going in for vivas; it was discomfort at a completely new level.
We went in and you were smiling at the nurse. Little did you know what she had in store for you. I ended up holding you and having to restrain your arms and thighs as the needle went in. You screamed. It must have felt like you were being betrayed by people you trusted. As if this wasn't enough, I then had to turn you to offer your other thigh for the second vaccine. My eyes were full of tears, there was a dull thumping in my ears and I felt far away from everything. I remember not being able to register what was being asked of me. How could I put you through this pain again? Daddy had to intervene and turn you around so that you could get your second shot. You wailed.
Soon after you were asleep, as if you didn't want to have anything more to do with this cruel world. We came home and held you for most of the rest of the day. At one point you woke up with a completely new kind of cry, one we hadn't heard before. It was a soft moaning 'I am in pain' cry. Daddy and I looked at each other, helpless and not knowing what we could do except hold you close.
It was only in the evening, after your bath, that you decided that all was well and you were back to your usual happy and chirpy self.
A month later, it was that awful time again. This time though, it was just the two of us. I was braver and a little more stoic. The same mums in the waiting room, the same feeling of dread, even the same nurse doing the honours. However, this time you were your happy old self within a few hours of the ordeal.
I can't bear to see you in pain. If you were a few years older, I could try to explain that vaccinations are good for you in the long run even if they are unpleasant. But at three months old, pain to you is just pain. And when you're in pain, Poppy, so am I.
Love, mommy.
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